Mena Suvari is opening up about how her own history with sexual abuse has impacted the way she approaches parenting her 4-year-old son, Christopher.
“I just feel like I always want to be present, and really supportive of anything that he wants to do or pursue,” Suvari, 46, exclusively told Us Weekly while discussing her work with Childhelp. “I really think what’s important is just being able to have conversations around things and acknowledge things, because life is life, and it’s messy, and it comes in so many different ways. There’s so many things that we go through, and trauma is very real. And so with my son, what I want to communicate is that there’s always room to talk about anything, and that you can find your way through that and learn through that.”
Suvari, who shares Christopher with husband Michael Hope, noted that lacking a “space where I could acknowledge, ‘Oh, that was kind of wrong what happened to me,’” for herself was detrimental, which is why she wants to make sure what she lacked as a child exists for her own son.
“I think I just felt like, ‘Well, that’s just part of life and part of what happens,’” she said. “There was no real emotional connection or conversation in my family. It wasn’t like, ‘How are you?’ So I try to really have that relationship with my son so that it’s emotional as well.”
Suvari revealed in her 2023 memoir, The Great Place, that she was a victim of “repeated sexual abuse” starting at the age of 12 when she was raped by a 16-year-old boy. She later went on to date a man in his mid-30s at age 16, who she claims had sex with her and gave her herpes. By 17, she had entered a relationship with a 26-year-old, who she claimed pressured her to perform sexual acts and abused her throughout their three years together.
When it comes to discussing her traumatic history with her son, Suvari said she isn’t focused on how she’ll explain what happened to her. Instead, she’sd determined to make sure her kid can enjoy his childhood for as long as possible.
“I mean, he doesn’t know what I do. I don’t think he has any concept of that, and I don’t share him on social media or anything like that,” she told Us. “To each his own. I’m not speaking poorly of anyone in their choices, but for me, personally, I just really care about giving him the opportunity to become who he wants to be. I want him to really just feel safe that he can develop and just be a child.”
As for the future, Suvari said her memoir will “be there” when Christopher is ready. “I’m sure there’ll be questions, concerns,” she said.
It isn’t all about what Suvari can teach her little one, though — the American Pie actress is learning quite a bit from the 4-year-old, too. “He’s an Aries. He’s sort of my boss,” she added with a laugh. “He’s very independent. I feel like he’s my greatest teacher.”
While Christopher teaches her at home, Suvari is determined to be a person of guidance for the young actors she meets on set in hopes of protecting them from experiencing the same trauma she did as a teenager.
Sharing confessed she can be a “bit of a mama bear” with younger actors she works with, explaining, “If I can shave off a summer of suffering for someone, then I want to be that person. So I’m always available. I’m always looking to have that opportunity.”
Suvari added that making connections with new generations of talent is also a “really rewarding” experience for her, because it allows her to live her own “truth” while having “these really deep, meaningful, constructive conversations with people.”
“There aren’t enough words to explain what that does, not only for yourself, but someone else,” she continued. “And to me, like, that’s so much about why we’re here. That’s the whole point, is sharing and communicating and learning how to grow and overcome the things that we need to overcome in this lifetime.”
Suvari pointed out that when she was coming up in the industry, she was unable to “create” those bonds with costars due to the fact she was focused on “just surviving living a nightmare” in her personal life.
“And now, as I’ve gotten older, I just feel so much more open and authentic, and I can really create beautiful connections with people and be there, especially if I’m working with younger women playing my daughter or something,” she said. “I’s nice, it’s beautiful, because I didn’t have that as a girl.”
Suvari revealed that she’s had costars “thanking” her for being “so nice,” noting that she really tries to “embrace those moments.”
“I always say, like, ‘I’m always here, for whatever it’s worth, if you ever want to have conversations or advice,’” she explained. “Because I’ve learned so many lessons, and I want to make sure that other people take advantage of a lot of things. I think that that’s like, what we can give back when we get older. To just kind of say, ‘Hey, maybe you should think about this.’ Even, like, business advice. Anything so that they’re in the best position they can be in and take advantage of the moment that they have right now. Because I just didn’t have any of that, and I had to learn a lot of that on my own.”
AMERICAN BEAUTY, Mena Suvari, 1999 Everett Collection
Suvari is extending her counsel beyond her fellow actors, as she recently became the official voice of the National Child Abuse Hotline in partnership with Childhelp. The non-profit organization exists to meet the physical, emotional, education and spiritual needs of abused, neglected and at-risk children, with the hotline already supporting more than 55K+ callers, 16K+ web chats, and 7.5K+ text messages.
“I’d actually been introduced to [Childhelp] years ago. I was able to attend an event in person with them and do a bit of a tour and get to know a little bit about the organization, and I was very passionate about being involved in any way,” Suvari told Us. “And then recently, I was asked to do a couple of their PSAs, which I was more than happy to be a part of and continue the support. Then they asked me to be this voice of the Childhelp National Child abuse hotline.”
Staffed by live crisis counselors who all have college education and life experience in working with child abuse and neglect, the hotline was launched in 2007 and is meant to serve as a form of support for those concerned or affected by child abuse while providing appropriate, individualized guidance for those that reach out. The hotline also offers aid in researching additional resources that may be available.
Suvari, who admits she still has “confusion and reservations around really acknowledging” that she was raped at age 12, explained that having a resource like Childhelp and the National Child Abuse Hotline could have altered the course of her healing entirely.
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“If I had known someone, even like a friend, who could have steered me towards this resource, I really feel safe in saying that that could have been life changing for me,” she said. “Because I wouldn’t have moved forward with my life with this trauma clouding my whole being.”
She continued, “There were a lot of decisions after that I made on autopilot and situations that I fell into because I wasn’t able to process what happened to me. I wasn’t able to talk about it. And there’s no way to really undo that damage, but if you’re able to share your story and you’re able to process it, it helps you move through that trauma and be able to restructure and rebuild your life. That’s why this [hotline] is such an awesome thing. It’s just really creating the most incredible supportive resource for people to just feel like they’re in a safe space and talk.”
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
